Today I decided to tell my partner to take Freddie out with him. Freddie was so excited, giving me a kiss goodbye and waving his hands as he left with his father and saying ‘ta-ta’ as they left the door together. Only little does he realize I needed five minutes for myself; just five moments where there wasn’t someone trying to climb onto me every minute; five minutes where there wasn’t someone trying to climb onto me every second; I wanted freedom and could walk wherever I pleased without having someone follow behind me or older children asking constantly for drinks/snacks/etc from me or my partner.
I needed a break. My head felt throbbing with exhaustion and I could feel all these different emotions within me: anger or wanting to break down and cry were two options that came up frequently for me. Doing the same things every single day can be draining; having the same routine day after day leaves one never knowing how it will play out; some days can turn out great while other days become exhausting and wish they ended quickly; which isn’t what I want my days to feel like.
Freddie, at 18 months, has been my toughest child so far. People may say ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘that’s kids for you’ etc, but sometimes it would be nice for someone to ask “what is wrong? or “I’m here to listen, what’s up?”, something along those lines. When I say that Freddie can be difficult, that may be my way of seeking assistance that I am having difficulty. Unfortunately I am good at hiding these emotions away – simply putting a smile on my face every time I leave the house – nobody knows!
